First post... 
And so many things to discuss...
First on my list of rage and fury, is the depressingly shit film, "the Number 23", starring Jim Carrey, directed by Joel Schumacher. I sometimes get a buzz from dipping my naked genetalia into boiling vinegar, just to let me know that life is not so bad - I mean, what with all the starving children in Africa and the European recession around the corner, you'd think people would have better sense that to give "smug-twit" Schumacher more money to make a film worthy of a straight to DVD release, experienced only by the likes of 'Dirty Dancing 2' and The Land Before Time XI (Shouldn't we be extinct yet?). It was the same masochistic twinge that kept me watching after the first enjoyable twenty minutes decayed into a montage of directorial nonsense.
Schumacher clearly thought it would be a big and clever idea to insert all the visual numerical permutations for '23' into every shot, because by now he's used to his films only being enjoyed by psedo-intellectual piss-tards who still think its morally acceptable to drink in Starbucks, whilst penning another bland and meaningless script on their fucking iBooks...Cock off you fuck-munching smug-faced kraut baboon...I've had enough of seeing your name over every major Hollywood project that turns into the direst of horseshit...
Clearly Schmacher is also having fun in the post-production suite with AfterEffects and CGI, somewhat akin to a malnourished chimp being let loose in the Media wing of Lewisham Community College. I imagine the conversation between director and editor would sound something like this...
"Oh, mein gott! Wass das dis button do?"
"For fuck's sake Joel, stop pressing things..."
"Ja! Ja! I am liking! More grain! More grain!"
I mean, even Michael Bay managed to make a great film out of 'Transformers' (though it was not quite the one I wanted to see...)
However, it's not all bad...
'R Kid' Jim as our man Sparrow, is hugely enjoyable as a cheerful boyo slipping slowly into dark paranoid character and, dispite my earlier ramblings, the whole colour of the film is exceptionally dark and broody. More could have been done to properly frame the characters of the wife and son, but Virginia Madsen as Agatha Sparrow, and yung'un Logan Lerman doesn't come off as an annoying son character. The characters endear themselves to an audience, functioning like clockwork cogs bumping the story along nicely.
My main gripe is that the whole shebang wraps up far too easily, too conveniently...After so much poetry and mystery in the opening salvo of the first twenty minutes, the cinematography and exposition lets the whole thing down...and there's only one person to blame for that...The actors and the storyline saved this film...It could have been something great, instead it became something medicore...
Anyhow, I await a list of flames...
And so many things to discuss...
First on my list of rage and fury, is the depressingly shit film, "the Number 23", starring Jim Carrey, directed by Joel Schumacher. I sometimes get a buzz from dipping my naked genetalia into boiling vinegar, just to let me know that life is not so bad - I mean, what with all the starving children in Africa and the European recession around the corner, you'd think people would have better sense that to give "smug-twit" Schumacher more money to make a film worthy of a straight to DVD release, experienced only by the likes of 'Dirty Dancing 2' and The Land Before Time XI (Shouldn't we be extinct yet?). It was the same masochistic twinge that kept me watching after the first enjoyable twenty minutes decayed into a montage of directorial nonsense.
Schumacher clearly thought it would be a big and clever idea to insert all the visual numerical permutations for '23' into every shot, because by now he's used to his films only being enjoyed by psedo-intellectual piss-tards who still think its morally acceptable to drink in Starbucks, whilst penning another bland and meaningless script on their fucking iBooks...Cock off you fuck-munching smug-faced kraut baboon...I've had enough of seeing your name over every major Hollywood project that turns into the direst of horseshit...
Clearly Schmacher is also having fun in the post-production suite with AfterEffects and CGI, somewhat akin to a malnourished chimp being let loose in the Media wing of Lewisham Community College. I imagine the conversation between director and editor would sound something like this...
"Oh, mein gott! Wass das dis button do?"
"For fuck's sake Joel, stop pressing things..."
"Ja! Ja! I am liking! More grain! More grain!"
I mean, even Michael Bay managed to make a great film out of 'Transformers' (though it was not quite the one I wanted to see...)
However, it's not all bad...
'R Kid' Jim as our man Sparrow, is hugely enjoyable as a cheerful boyo slipping slowly into dark paranoid character and, dispite my earlier ramblings, the whole colour of the film is exceptionally dark and broody. More could have been done to properly frame the characters of the wife and son, but Virginia Madsen as Agatha Sparrow, and yung'un Logan Lerman doesn't come off as an annoying son character. The characters endear themselves to an audience, functioning like clockwork cogs bumping the story along nicely.
My main gripe is that the whole shebang wraps up far too easily, too conveniently...After so much poetry and mystery in the opening salvo of the first twenty minutes, the cinematography and exposition lets the whole thing down...and there's only one person to blame for that...The actors and the storyline saved this film...It could have been something great, instead it became something medicore...
Anyhow, I await a list of flames...
